i want to write
but idk what yet
i feel very depressed lately
i want to try harder to do what i want. which is to make art. to go out there. and exist
i am stuck on the part where i think i need to do certain things to start. which are just mental excuses to keep me from doing anything.
i get inspired everyday. but my motivation is dead.
i want to make zines. i want to paint. i want to support community and create art for shows, businesses, i want to do everything.
just do it, i know. but its hard. idk how to "just do it" right now. i thought i knew. but i feel so stuck.
i want to do community work. host gatherings. be w people and just have connections. ive been in a rut. too much of a rut- am i even doing anything at all?
i miss when i was younger and i did shit despite everything. i did things cause i was bored and it was all i wanted to do. am i just no longer bored?
google, how do i become bored again?
i am silly i think. i have so much pressure placed on Making i forget its suppose to be fun and enjoyable. and i very much do enjoy the process!
i just saw a post promoting a gallery hosted at Montserrat College of Art called “FURRY ART TODAY” and i just think its so cool, to see more furry work in art galleries. I was talking earlier to a friend about “Room Party”, another art gallery show that featured so many lovely furry artists. I think theres something beautiful about it.
some summers ago, identity was something i hyperfocused on for myself. i really want my work to be liek a mirror. i want to be able to project myself in everything i make. bleed out for everyone to see. vulnerability is scary but its important. i want to make art that makes me wanna cry. i want to cry.
i have a lot of ideas and identity things i want to cover. i think it will be healthy for me to make stuff. i need connection more than ever. i feel stuck and trapped in this world of uncertainty and i know being in good company will save me.
trying to do more and document my life. ive been taking pictures with my canon camera but i want to do it more.
ill put some i took this year here for fun.
admittedly i am in a bad mental rut. been off meds but ill be getting them soon. im trying to best to get myself out of it. expressing myself creatively is probably what i need. i dont feel much of a person these days. but i know ill be OK.