hiiiiiiiiii guys!

my favorite ritual is back.
i honestly was looking forward doing this. throughout the whole month really.

i think it is just something nice to do. i liek getting into the spirit of holidays and celebrations. this year i wanted to go in for holidays. it just... feels nice. idk how to describe it. makes life more enjoyable.

exhibit a:
my new years eve drink i made myself

melon soda w "malt beverage" brewed w rose apple and guava juice
ft. hachiware gifted and sculpted by bonnie wong

i honestly, was struggling a lot this year. i talked about it with my best friend. ive been incredibly depressed. lots of ups and downs. there was a month i was completely suicidal. it was really bad. i pushed myself to get back into therapy. i feel liek i keep learning again and again that i have ptsd and it will continue to affect me.

for christmas this year i put "the body keeps the score" by bessel van der kolk on my wishlist. i am hoping it will help me navigate and learn about how trauma affects me cause its been really hard for me. everyone and everything feels scary.

i asked my friend if i was different this year (hi if ur reading this). she said i was figuring out what i need and what was best for myself. which was comforting to hear because it is true.

i will say thats the best way to sum up this year. it was just hard. i think work has taken over my life more than i wanted. i just haven't been able to feel liek myself. thats definitely something i want to work on in the new year, finding ways to connect with myself

i dont have much to recap this year. mostly cause of work. and im just exhausted. i hope to maybe be able to make enough so i dont need to work so hard X(

reading my old entry is funny, i def was feeling great n hopeful. i was anticipating this entry to be sad ngl. but i felt better for the past few days so no emo post from me (everyone all sighs in relief)

all my 2025 goals wil probably transfer for this upcoming year >_> which is OK. i will find a balance between life n work. IDK. I JUST GOTTA LOCK IN. WITH MY FATIGUE AND SHIT. I WILL DO IT........!!!!!!!

okay idk what else to write here. i wish i had the time to maybe draw something for my entries. or for my site in general! i think expressing urself is fun. :3 i drank a lot i need to peee so bad lol and also im a little buzzed probably which i think is the first for me when writing these i think.

ok anyway...

CONNIE SIGNING OFF...

my past reflections: 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024